That Kind of Day

There are days that it would be so much easier just to build the walls again. I think of the time that I spent emotionally distant and unavailable and actually have days that I’d like to hearken back to that. The  never ending blah, comfortably numb, bothering none and being bothered by the same.  How foolish does a teary eyed old man look?  Unbelievably so.  I am not opposed to being older, I’m somewhat taken with it, but the onslaught of emotion is like being hit in the solar plexus by a heavyweight boxer. You  know the blow is landing, you know the pain is coming, yet somehow, it is all the more painful for the knowing of it. Breathtaking, literally.  In the not so long ago, I referred to myself as the “fool on the hill”(credit to the Beatles)

“The Fool On The Hill”
The Beatles
Day after day, alone on the hill
The man with the foolish grin is keeping perfectly still
But nobody wants to know him
They can see that he’s just a fool
And he never gives an answer

But the fool on the hill
Sees the sun going down
And the eyes in his head
See the world spinning around

Well on the way, head in a cloud
The man of a thousand voices talking perfectly loud
But nobody ever hears him
Or the sound he appears to make
And he never seems to notice

But the fool on the hill
Sees the sun going down
And the eyes in his head
See the world spinning around

And nobody seems to like him
They can tell what he wants to do
And he never shows his feelings

But the fool on the hill
Sees the sun going down
And the eyes in his head
See the world spinning around

He never listens to them
He knows that they’re the fools
They don’t like him

The fool on the hill
Sees the sun going down
And the eyes in his head
See the world spinning around

Song lyrics speak to me and always have. One of my earliest song memories is “Dont Sit Under The Apple Tree With Anyone Else But Me”.  I’ve since learned that lyric is a romantic fantasy and the apple  tree long since died.

 

And so, I journey on from here. Determined to be positive, if a little skeptical.  Loving, if a little reserved. Living, if a little or a lot painful. Determined to see the truth of another Beatles lyric “and in the end, the love you take, is equal to the love you make.”  I am not the first to find disappointment, nor will I be the last.  Life IS, and that is what matters. No sour grapes here, just raisins.

 

If you spent your time reading this, my  thanks and condolences to you, xoxo

One thought on “That Kind of Day

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