It has been a while since I wrote here. So many things have happened, so many changes have taken place, it hardly seems that I’ve turned round and yet my entire existence has been changed.
I’ve lost four friends in as many weeks. Two of whom were to cancer, another to a persistent infection secondary to diabetic neuropathy and an injury to his foot, the last to age and infirmity. Life here truly is so very fragile, and like a flower from bud to fallen bloom, the time is exceeding short. My faith sustains me in terms of the eternal, yet in the temporal I suffer many melancholy days, mourning for myself as there is no need to mourn for those departed.
Friendships that I thought stable have disintegrated and those that I had considered more superficial have proved to be deeper than I had imagined. One that I thought was lost is restored a hundred times over, for which I am justly thankful. I find it odd that I’ve come to the point that I can almost believe that I am more stable than not. It is an unusual thought/feeling, as I haven’t felt that way in more than 38 years.
I was told that I have a “knight in shining armor” complex, which may well be true. I’ve found that to be inconvenient in the world of social media. I tend to rush to the aid of others, not always the wisest of choices, but mine nonetheless. I’ve watched as drama unfolded and drove people I cared for from each of the social media to which I subscribe. I’ve seen people I care for deeply, hurt by online relationships(some of which carried over into RL). I’ve seen innocents attacked for no reason and the guilty applauded in open forum. Social media is the “Peyton Place” of the information age.
I’ve found that as time goes on, I’ve narrowed my circle, smaller than ever before. I want to hear the voices of those for whom I care, not to have them drowned out by the roar of the crowd. I want to be closer to the ones I care for, more accessible as it were. I want to see the small things, the little hurts, the daily bumps and bruises, and in seeing, offer what comfort I might.
These thoughts were the gerbils on the treadmill of my mind this evening