Closure

It was almost a year to the day after a friendship restored that my friend Cydara died. We were reconciled on 22nd July last year and she died on 28th July this year. It was a  year of victory after victory as she endured the ravages of chemotherapy and then the rigours of radiation therapy only to discover that the cancer had spread into her brain and lungs. Afer we were reconciled I promised her that nothing would part us ever again and that I would love her through the treatment until all was done. There were few days in which I did not say I love you to her, via email, Twitter, Audioboo or some fashion and yet in the end, love was not enough, nor was prayer. Near the end came the statement that she had been transferred to hospice, a hammerblow that could not be softened. She knew that she was terminally ill, but did not surrender and fought to the very end, slipping quietly into eternity that July morning. Though we had never met face to face, we had shared such a wonderul friendship over the 4 years that I was on Twitter. When I read the post from  her daughter that morning, it was as if the universe itself tilted out of synch. Even now, more than a month later, I still find myself waiting to share something with her. So young, her birthday just past in May, now gone.  I dont do goodbyes well, and I am not a good mourner. I internalize.  Today I got an email from a friend in Kentucky saying, “my time here is short, this will be the last goodbye”, and I lost it. One death after another and another.  I just dont know.  And so, as I move from one death to the next, I wonder if there will ever be closure or if it will take my own to close the chapter and the book.